Exams start next week. Part of me can’t wait for them to be over, but another part just wants time to slow right down or preferably stop.

A lot of my friends will be graduating this year. My closest friends, the ones I go to with problems or to laugh or to chat about life. The friends who came to my baptism and who go to church with me and who watch bad films and come for dinner. The ones who have taught me by their example to be honest and open about how much I love them. I’m going to miss them so much.

I’m already missing them, and they haven’t even left. I’ve been praying that I will be able to enjoy the few weeks left and not let anticipatory sadness get in the way, but it’s hard when everyone is so set on working for exams and I know that as soon as exams are over, time will speed up even more. Before long we’ll all be off to different parts of the world, but I’ll be the only one coming back next year.

I am glad I have another year here, really. I don’t feel ready to leave yet. But hearing my friends talk about job offers, flats, plans to get engaged, graduation parties… if I hadn’t got ill last year I would have been talking about those things too. And my friends would still be leaving, but I’d be leaving with them to start a new life somewhere else. At the moment all I can see is next year without all but one of the friends I’ve spent time with this year.

Things will look brighter tomorrow, I’m sure. Life isn’t just about how many friends you have or who you spend your time with. But losing six of my closest friends in one go is going to be hard to manage.

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